Diary Of a Fraudster- Episode 16


If You Missed Episode 15 click HERE



The following day was saturday, i was still bothered by the whole incident of the previous night, God knows the look sandra who be giving me, and i hope she doesn’t start telling people about. I rushed home the morning looking stressed because i was able to sleep all through the night. I had a quick bath and locked my self in my room, switched on my pc, i don’t even have the mind for yahoo because of the present predicament am in. I started surfing tge net for hot videos, watched over 50 but still little johnny wasn’t coming to life. Then i switched to reading  articles about my predicament, google displayed many site links, read and read but none was helping.

I tried krissh number over and over again that morning, his number was still unavailable. I then recollected that krissh do drink one local drink like that called “baby oku”  and he do take a drug called tramadol anytime his about to have a match with his girls. And when i asked him then he told me it was for lasting performance on bed.
So i decided to purchase it and see if it would revive the lifeless little johnny.

I rushed out and purchase four bottles if baby oku and 200mg if tramadol. Went back home, locked my door, mixed the tramadol into the drink, and drank all the four bottle once.  Chai greatest mistake of my life.

In less than 30minutes i lost myself, i was dull and very very dull, it was like i was high on alcohol but this was like ten folds stronger than that of alcohol, because i wasn’t in my right mind, i started watching the hot videos again, maybe little johnny would stand gidigba, but it was all a wish, the stuff refuse to rise o, in annoyance i punched the screen of my pc, mehn thats all i recollected o, as in i passed out straight.

The next time i woke up, i was too weak to open my eyes sef, minutes later i managed to open my eyes a little, i saw mum staring from above.
I was like “am i in heaven”, then i heard pman’s voice.

Pman: the devil is a liar

Mum : iro lesun pa iro (the devil is a liar, a liar)

I was shocked, realizing the state i was initially, beside my door was locked, mehn i widely opened my eye lids.

Mum : ife, ife, ife are you awake?

Pman: of course his awake, foolish boy.

I managed to ask

Me : what’s the time?

Mum : ife, ife, you want to kill yourself for me, ypu have out for over 24hours and you locked yourself in, what’s wrong with you for christ sake.

Mehn over 24hours ke, i turned my face to my wall clock and saw it was past 12,mehn the last tim i checked time before passing out was around 11 a.m, so we are in sunday already, chai i was really out, i knew pman had extra keys so he must have been the one who opened the door to my room.


Pman : hey, who used this drugs hun (holding the empty satchet of the tramadol) (mehn on sighting that in his hands i was speechless), so you are now into drugs, is that what you have been doing in school hun

Couldn’t let him think luke that of me, i managed to speak.
Me : dad it’s not like that……
Pman :(cuts in) shut up that mouth of yours, i called a friend of mine, who is a pharmacist and he confirmed what this drug does to me, hell, you took 200mg, are you crazy?

Me : (was just staring)

Pman : ( turns to mum)  you better talk to your son, because i won’t condone such act in my house ( he stood up and left my room)

Mum : hen ife what prompted you to do this to yourself hen?

A part of me felt like revealing the whole issue to her, but i felt she won’t take it lightly, besides i don’t wanna add to her burden.
I wasn’t able to speak much, because i was still weak, she later brought me food and lucozade boost, to renew my strength. After much cajoling by her, i managed to eat and i had a little strength, though i couldn’t walk yet, by the time my mum left me to myself, i slept for another two hours, and on waking up, i was feeling somehow ok.

I decided to try krissh’s number again, and it went through.

Me : hello

Krissh : hello ife, how far now?

Me : Do you know you are an unfortunate being?

Krissh : aha which kind level be that na

Me : what went wrong with your phone yesterday?

Krissh :  i was with my bae now, and the girl persuaded me to Switch off my phone to avoid DISTURBANCE, you know it’s weekend.

Me : tchew, cassanova oshi, woos yawa don happen

Krissh : wetin?

Me : you sha knew i told you about a bae i was to hook up that friday.

Krissh : yea that co-worker of yours, hope you riped her apart. Bad guy

Me : guy see, it was totally the opposite oh.

Krissh : aha wetin happen.

Me : my stuff refused to rise

Krissh : i don’t get you

Me : as in my Joystick, my manhood, little johnny, didn’t function, it was erect at all

(he first laughed for like 2 minutes)

Krissh : ife you are funny, how would you thing not rise.

Me : guy am not joking here seriously now.

Krissh : hun seems you are serious about it oh, how come.

Me : seriously have tried all i knew and the stuff hasn’t turn up till now.

Krissh : guy they have gotten you oh. What did you drink na or hope no be the girl carry your prick go they form.

Me : she can’t do such, infact that night was embarrassing sef, i didnt take anything expect lucozade boost and viju.

Krissh : ah this is serious maybe it needs the right motivation to be erect, have you tried getting an olosho (s*x worker) to perform all stuff

Me : what if it doesn’t Turn up?

Krissh : then i’d be on my way to ib.
We would need to seek supernatural intervention.

Me : ok sha land in ib as soon as i possible.
Krissh : alright na.

Me: na you sure pass.

Hung up

At least there is still hope for me, i went to get a hooker that evening, after Series of Mouthaction, johnny still never rise, was a total embarrassment. The following day is monday, i hope sandra won’t spread the news.

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I dressed smartly & sat on my bed, staring at the wall clock in my
room, I was reluctant to go to work that morning but I just have to
go, I was in my room still sitting though totally dressed and ready, I
reminiscenced on events of the latter days, I was lost in thoughts
yet I couldn’t pin point where I made a mistake or where I might have
went wrong to the extent of losing my manhood. I recollect the last
person I had s*x with was faith. And I know she isn’t possessive about
me to the extent of zapping off my erectness. I also thought about my
life , my deeds and actions in years. From that day in the barber’s
shop till date. I felt maybe it was my past hunting me. I then
remembered the words of the Alfa who helped me the jazz then. I
remembered his warnings, hmmm I hope this not the repercussion

I was still lot in my world of thoughts when I was interrupted by a
call , from the least person I expected. Sandra!

Me : hello good morning

Sandra : morning, it’s past nine and you are not here yet. The
director just asked for you minutes ago, the team leader has to cover
up for you.

Me : oh I’d be in office in a matter of minutes , the traffic is kinda
slow (I lied)

Sandra : hmmm

Me : why the hmmm.

Sandra : you don’t even know how to lie, how can you be on the highway
and everything would be silent like this.

Me : no…(she cuts in)

Sandra : sha get you Buttocks here asap.

Hung up.

Ish only Gods knows why she really called, it’s not like she would
still care after the ish which happened the other day. Well her call
that morning gave me some relief, I guess she won’t talk about it to
anyone after all.

I hurried out of the house and went to work that morning and
everything went well, by the time I got home late in the evening, I
still had the nerve to hustle a bit, did a little of over payment on
some couple of sites and it’s like I new the most needed goods so I
got requests.
I was also face booking by the side, I was checking the latest feeds
when I got a message from bosun, mehn tz been a while have heard from
him, well we ain’t that close anymore since he got back from southy.

B.B : hello

Me : bosun xup ?

B.B : I’m gentle, you still on with this habit of neglecting person hun?

Me : no vex jae, work has been tedious lately.

B.B : what work is that o, by the last time I check , you were still a
working boy.

Me : ish you’ve miss a lot, well I don start my I.T

B.B : sho! And where you dey work ?


Me : just working as an I.T guy in an electricity distribution company
here in ib.

B.B : cool, guess it would really be stressful for you, uhn a working
boy in a corporate arena, that’s weird.

Me : Na u sabi

B.B : well I don back go malay.

Me : ahah your Buttocks no dey stay one place

B.B : anyhow when last have you been to iya primate’s domot.

Me : oh boy, he don tey, I neva  show for there since that time when I
spent 7days there.

B.B : ah!

Me : what’s that for ?

B.B : you are almost finished, didn’t she tell you to come back or anything.

Me : I don’t get you, she only said I can come back to show some
appreciation when I start making doe.

B.B : wait I guess that was Five years ago right.

Me : yea

B.B : geez you have just two years left, you should be seeing signs already sef.

Me : wait bosun , you begining to scare me, what’s this all about ?
Two years left as how.

B.B : it’s better you just go back to her as soon as possible, g2g for now.

Me : hum okay.

Mehn now this is what I call a thin line between life and death.
It’s all now connecting.why didn’t I ever thought of going back sef. Geez.
I then decide to update krissh, he picked up straight.

Me : elo

Krissh : ife boy, how far ?

Me : am so jonzed right now

Krissh : wetin happen ?

I told krissh about the whole stuff.

Krissh : guy seems like dey follow you from your village

Me : ahaha I just finish chatting with him, na so I call you.

Krissh : well it’s really correlative with your current predicament,
stop dulling and find time to go to the church.

Me : hmmmn haven’t been there all this while, so I can’t just go there
with empty hands, beside faith would be there.

Krissh : see you, you have faith as a leverage already.

Me : so what should I do ?

Krissh : people like iya primate won’t collect cash from you so just
call faith and ask her what the church might be needing, so you can
get it along when going to her mother.

Me : hmmmn true talk o.

Krissh : well am landing tomorrow and not Wednesday any-longer.

Me : so where would you be staying.

Krissh : in an hotel of course.

Me : smh! You could have come to my place now, but your cassanovaness
won’t be permitted in my parents house, so I guess the hotel is really
best for you, at least you can even afford to pay for a year’s stay in
any hotel, you are capable.

Krissh : sharrap jae, gotta go.

Me.: no qualms

Hung up

I didn’t waste time I dialed faith number straight, I guess I still
had a soft spot in her heart, I apologized for neglecting her all the
while, and I framed my story for her sha. She informed me I could help
by getting the church a sound system, and I told her I’d be in her
church by sunday.

Now everything seems somehow easy but facing iya primate is still a
task to me, but I really need to understand what bosun mean’t by “you
have just two years left”, hmmn left for what?


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