If You Missed Episode 2 Click HERE
Friends hurts the most, be careful of the friends
you keep”.. Funny how I remembered the words of
my teacher advising me to stay away from the kind
of friends I associates with while I stood there,
looking at Bros Abu and the woman, I guess she
was the one I called my Uncle’s Wife few hours ago
but at this moment, she was just a woman.
“Ummm.. Ummmm.. Danladi, what are you doing
here?” She asked in the most vulnerable voice ever,
as she stood up from the Old sets of mattress that
were in the store,sweating profusely like some
stainless steel with ice block inside! while Oga Abu
was busy wearing his trousers. Damn! He was also
wearing perry colev? and I didn’t remember
seeing him remove the condoms. Like he used it
“Joyce weds Daniel”, as I saw it on their wedding
calendar the previous day, Joyce was from a
wealthy home,a graduate of Law in A.B.U Zaria in
her mid 20’s. Didn’t really pay attention to her
physical appearances as she was my uncle’s wife.
But she was a beauty to behold, especially now that
I got to see those b.o.obs she has refused to let
sagged. Unfortunately it was all physical beauty,
because I just saw the ugliest woman ever!
What went wrong? Could it be that my uncle with
his pot belly (which explains the XL shirts he keeps
giving me ) couldn’t satisfy his wife in bed? Or is it
because he is hardly at home? Why? They are just
2years old, no child yet, is that uncle of mine
impotent? Abi this Abu of a man use jazz?
“My Guy!, its not what you think”.. Abu interrupted
my thinkology(pardon! ). I looked at him, I felt a
rage inside of me and wanted to break his head, but
thank the gods, they over took my actions, I just
looked at him and left the store room. (Oga Abu
grab oh! Make he no use style beat me for that
room because na danger zone I enter.)
The phone rang, it was asamoah, I picked it and he
started saying words I don’t understand. All I
understood was “I don find girl for you”. I have
been thinking for almost 2hours in my room, as to
why Joyce will cheat on my uncle that worships
her. But I thought to myself that enough was
enough, so I brought my phone, opened my opera
mini, opened my Saved Pages, I was a fan of Lisa
Ann and Kapri Styles, so I had pictures of her on
web pages saved in my browser. This was an
attempt to stop thinking of my uncle’s wife
Unclothedness abomination. Or so I thought .
Grrrrhhhhhhhh!!!” The bell by the gate rang, while
your boy was busy looking for soap to put lagbaja to
sleep (Same soap I left outside oh!). At this
moment, the thoughts of Joyce came again!. “Why
did this Uncle of mine listen to his wife in not
having a gateman? How am I supposed to go out
there like this to open the gate?”. Wssssh! Back to
my kaftan, with some hard-on lost, I went to open
the gate, taking note that the Honda EOD was
missing, meaning Joyce wasn’t around, Faith and
Abigail came in. Abigail didn’t greet me, but faith
Faith was a chubby girl, more like the younger
Toolz in person. An engineering student in
Landmark University and with an inquisitive brain.
She greeted me and I asked how her outing was,
she didn’t answer but asked why my eyes were dull,
told her I just woke up.
I closed the gate and walked behind them, I don’t
know why my eyes went straight to faith’s A$$, but
whatever it was, “Blood of Goat” was all my brain
could interpret to my eyes, I tried comparing it with
that of Lisa Ann’s but I was more interested in
knowing the kind of panties she wore. So I
abandoned the comparison and tried tracing the
panty lines, at this moment, I wasn’t conscious of
the environment. All I was following was an A$$
and the rhyme that came to mind was “17, 18, 19,
I saw legs climb a small stair, this was when I
realised we were at the entrance to the house, and
like someone snapped out of being hypnotised, I
ironed my movements, put both hands in my kaftan
shirt to position myself. Ohhh! I went to the
backyard to pick up my soap because this new era
of temptation was getting much.
Got to my room, straight to the bathroom and I
masturbathed with Joyce’s Unclothedness, Faith’s
A$$ and Esther’s Smile in mind, I was so sure I was
gonna Pour twice but phuck this silly brain, it
always decieves me. Just once and I have lost the
hormones? Upon all the build up? Hope say I nor
resemble my uncle oh?
When will I get to phuck,bang,bleep,straf a real
pussay? When will my hands retire from easing my
intimate urges? Why am I even afraid of s*x? Which
way nah?” I was asking myself in my post-
masterbating trauma while I used my towel to clean
myself, Ofcourse I took my bath.
In contrast, I was not sexually active, I was more
like a kid that lies to himself “No s*x, it destroys
lives”. But as a Lone wolf, I stay home fantasising
about s*x, how a pussay will feel in my umm..
Maybe a huge lagbaja.
Lagbaja was a name my ex gave to my Joystick
(Long story I tell you, but she gave it that name
because I always wore Two underwears: Perry
Coles n Swimming pants. And she never got to see
it, she only felt it via feelings )
Dressed, headed to the kitchen to find some food.
On entering the kitchen, I saw Joyce(The Woman)
cooking noodles and when she saw me, I felt an
electric shock ran through her.
“Good evening aunty” was all I said.
“Evening danladi.. You want some noodles?” She
Ahahahaha! What? She asked if I wanted noodles?
She phucking asked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“No ma” I said with a straight face as I went to take
bread from the fridge,looking outside the
compound, the Honda EOD was still not around, so
I headed straight to d sitting room with “So Bros
Abu drive that car wey I wash commot? He dey
craze? On my mind. But she called me and said:
“Danladi we need to talk”.
I have seen this before, right? Yeah!! In the movies.
As much as I like Hollywood fictional movies, I am
of the highest opinion that Nollywood (Wtf!
Hollywood is in Blackberry dictionary and
Nollywood aint here? ) is the best when it comes
to moral lessons.
I stood, looked back at her, straight in her eyes and
said: “I don’t what to hear anything, we don’t have
anything!”. I felt like the Boss. Dem no born my
uncle well make he raise voice for him wife like I did
just now. I was in this bossy euphoria when I heard
footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Mahmah, (a name they call themselves, ajeboptas
tho) do you have any panadol left?” Esther asked
Joyce. Joyce was kind of shaky but she managed to
asked “You still having the headache?”.. That was
the last I heard when I took my Bread n Barma to
the sitting room as fantasies of me blackmailing this
rich Lawyer dreaded me . “What if I tell her I
wanted a round? Or perhaps, I ask for money? Chai!
Danladi you don hammer!, you be Wassup nigga”..
Drake’s The Motto was playing on MTVB, so I kept
on repeating “Real Nigga wassup “, I never really
knew what drake was saying tho.
“Danladi! Why do you always insert a bread inside
barma? I told you 3days ago that this is not how its
done, village boy swags”, Faith said with a smile.
Faith was a follower on twitter as I followed her
also(She had about 4k followes tho), we chat once
in a while on DMs but I was always shy to speak to
her facially because she had this british accent and
I, myself, a confirm benin accent accompanied by
“Un.. n..n..serious Girl of a..of a thing”.. I smiled and
She was somehow friendly, and I wasn’t
comfortable, so I asked if she cared for some bread
which she turned down. Sorry I have to put this in a
convo, no vex.
Faith: So, Lazii Druid’s Party at micheal’s house?
Me: Looked up, how did… (Shocked face and she
Faith: Saw it on your mentions, and kida kudz even
retweeted the original tweet by the host.
Me: Oh! Cool, you wanna go?
Faith: Yup, I retweeted it as a favour, and asamoah
said he would give me a blind date. Cool right?
Me: Yeah! (Pretty much in my angry mood)
Faith:What time is it though?
Me: Its 8pm till you pass out, but non residents of
VGC will have to be there before 7:30pm.
Faith: 5pm already, I guess I better get ready..
*I swear I thought she was joking*