the church secretary



I received a call
Caller: are you Brother Collins Ajidara?
Me: yes
Caller: I am Pastor Maxwell speaking from ZOCA
Church in Amuloko. You applied and did
interview for the post of Church Accountant
three months ago. I am glad to announce to
that you report at the church office by 11am
Me: (Very excited) Yes sir. Thank you sir. (call
I jubilated around the house because it had
been a great relief to me. I had been at home
for the past three months…. I quickly prepared
to get to Amuloko. I called my parents to break
the good news to them.
By 11 am I got to the place. I met with the
Senior Pastor and he briefed me on my job and
what I will be doing. I was given an en – suite
office with all the necessary accessories….a
complete system with internet connection. Not
long that I settled down I heard a knock
Me: come in
The person came in and wow! I was speechless.
She was of moderate height, chocolate in
complexion and has a slim structure. She has a
huge Weapon of Mass Defence in the front and
a wonderful Weapon of Mass Destruction at the
back. She was dressed in a skirt suit which
covered most of the assets.
She: good morning brother. Welcome to ZOCA
Church. My name is Sis. Iyoaye and I am in
charge of the Church Bookshop.
Me: Thank you Mrs. Iyoaye. I am Collins Ajidara
by name.
Sis Iyoaye: Please call me Sis. Iyoaye
Me: ok Sis. Iyoaye.
I was wowed at her structure because my
adrenalin level has soared beyond 1000km/sec
and I wished to grab her Weapon of Mass
Defence and start sucking it at that spot. The
intercom buzzed and brought me back to
Me: Hello Sir
The Pastor: Bro. Collins please come to my office
I told sis. Iyoaye that I will see her later. When I
got to the Pastor’s office, I discovered that the
church elders and other pastors are already
Pastor Maxwell: Accountant, please have your
I greeted everyone seated and I sat at the chair
that has been reserved for me.
Pastor Maxwell: Bro. Collins, we are pleased to
have you join us in this Church. I want to
introduce the Church Board to you. He started
the introduction and mentioned the names of
every one seated. After the introduction he
started to tell me the nature of operation of the
church and the do’s and don’ts afterwards one
of the Women (Deaconess Idowu Emeka)
seated there said “Accountant, are you
Me: No ma. I replied.
Deaconess Emeka: do you have a fiancée?
Me: No ma. We just broke up two months ago.
Deaconess Emeka: But why?
I explained that we broke up due to blood
group/genotype incompatibility.
Deaconess Emeka: Hope you will not
impregnate all our girls here because bi mo n ti
woju e yii, wa like obinrin gan (everyone burst
into laughter)
Me: Mummy, no………… I promise I won’t (yinmu
for my mind)
An Elderly man who has been quiet all the time
suddenly asked me “if not for the person that
recommended you, there are other more
qualified candidates.
Me: I know sir
He continued: “so if I hear that you mess up
with any sister in this church I will personally
blacklist you. And nobody tampers with God’s
money and go scot free o.
Me: I know sir and I am assuring you I won’t.
The meeting was closed and I returned to
office. Some minutes later I heard a knock on
the door.
Me: Please come in.
The person that came into my office was…….
(Guess who)


I was surprised that Deaconess Emeka came
into the office. I ushered her to sit down.
Deaconess Emeka: Accountant the Accountant
Me: mummy it is well ma
Deaconess Emeka: I want to know where you
are living
Me: I live at Iyana Church ma.
Deaconess Emeka: Iyana Church ke? O ti jina ju
Me: I know ma. I am planning to scot with a
friend at Olorunsogo. And….
Deaconess Emeka: (cuts in) don’t worry. We
have discussed and we have resolved to get an
apartment for you that will not be far from the
After some discussion she left and I started
How will I cope here?
How will these people treat me?
Hope I won’t be policed around?
As I was thinking about that, a call came on my
Me: hello
Caller: hello lover boy
Me: who am I speaking with?
Caller: hmmm Na wa for you. It is your angel
Me: Dammy mi. Omo ele that I have vowed to
marry if not….
Damola: shhhh. Please don’t make me
remember how we parted….
Me: BTW why hiding your number?
Damola: well I am presently using a public line
in Gauteng.
Me: South Africa?
Damola: beeni o. I just called to check on you
Mr. Lover Boy
Me: Anyway congrats sweetheart. At least I am
happy that the visa was finally approved for
you. BTW I have been called by that church.
Damola: Wow!!!!! Congrats dear. I wished I was
in Ibadan presently to celebrate with you
Me: how?
Damola: u know now. Wrapping my lips around
your “OPA MOSE” and playing with the balls,
sucking the living water from it……..
Me: o gbadun. And lest I forget, I am now a
church worker.
Damola: E pele o. Pasito Collins. I will call you
Me: ok dear, take care (ends call)


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