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I became fat, my belly was so grown, there was a time I tried committing suicide. All because my grandmother got angry with me, she said some heartbreaking words to me, she really abused me that day. She did all these out of anger, she really ridiculed, insult upon insult. Why she got angry was because I was unable to some house chores and couldn’t follow her to the farm, so she met me, a 7 months old pregnant girl sleeping, I was so weak and tired that day. I don’t know what came over her that day, she just flared up and began to say hurtful words to me, I was just crying bitterly, I could feel sorrow in my life. I was so disappointed at my grandmother cos i took her as my comforter and confidant, I felt bad, does that mean my grandmother now despise me too? I tried committing suicide by hanging myself in the room, I believed I had nothing left in this world, everybody has turned their back on me. My family has totally abandoned me. Thank God my grandmother quickly came to my rescue, she saw me doing this evil act. She was scared, she began to beg me, promising she was never going to abuse me again. She informed my parent about it, instead of them to have pity on me, they rained insult on me, calling me devil’s child, calling me a blacksheep.
Few months later, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, I never visited any health center for antenatal or whatsoever. I gave birth to my son in the room, not in the hospital, it was some old women that helped me during labour. When I saw my son, I was so happy, tears of joy, I couldn’t believe that this little thing came out of my body. All my sorrow turned to joy, I carried my baby in my arms, I was just full of smiles. There was no naming ceremony, but a reverend in my grandmother’s church helped with the child’s dedication, my son was named Emmanuel. Throughout this period, my parent hardly call me, they hardly send me money, they abandoned me, they didn’t even bother to check on me or their grandchild, maybe because he’s a bastard. They stopped visiting home for Christmas. I felt rejected, a rejected stone, is it because my parent are pastors is that why I was neglected? I became focused, determined to survive without my parent, my grandmother stood by my side, she really helped me, she advised me to go back to school, to continue my education, she promised to give me money, support me. I declined cos I don’t want to disturb her, how much was she earning from the petty things she was selling? But my grandmother insisted I must go back to school…
My grandmother sourced for money to obtain my Jamb form, I obtained a Jamb form, with the help of Martins. Martins was very helpful and useful to me, he would advised me, he counselled me on courses to study. He’s a brilliant Engineering student, soon he tutored me, he helped with some Jamb past questions. We became closer, we became friends, i would visit his place, he would also visit my place to tutor me. My grandmother was the one looking after my baby. There was this particular day I went to Martins’ place for tutorial, my son was five months old then, something almost happened between me and Martins in his place. We almost had s*x, I don’t know what came over us, even tho I like Martins a lot and he also likes me. He kissed me and that was it, we continued kissing, smooching, squeezing my Bosom, he was so hard, his Joystick is of average. Pulling off my shirt and my skirt, both Unclad already, kissing, smooching really hard, I wanted that s*x cos I missed it a lot. I didn’t even think about my baby at that moment, I was already on the bed, Martins was about to wear a condom and the thought of my son just flashed through me..
Me: No, No I can’t do this…
I quickly got up, picked my clothes and began to wear them
Martins: Why? Is other any problem?
He was disturbed, he moved closer to me…
Martins: Why the sudden change?…. I won’t hurt you I promise, Cha Cha (he calls me Cha Cha, short form of my name)
Me: Look, let’s not do this. I’m not comfortable, maybe some other time, please.
He held my hand, the torn condom on his other hand, I looked at his Joystick, it was already soft.
Martins: Okay no problem, but can I kiss you?
Me: No, stop it…. I’m leaving, I need to go check on my baby.
Martins: I’m sorry… Okay, wait for me let me wear my clothes and see you off.
Me: Nevermind, let me quickly go, I’m late already….. Ahem, maybe we would see tomorrow.
Martins: Wait now, let me see you off..
As he was about to wear his boxers, I just quickly went out of his room, I didn’t wait for him, I went home straight. I got home, I met my baby sleeping, I looked at his face and tears rolling out of my eyes. I didn’t know if i was happy or sad, it was a mixed feelings, wow, I don’t want to let my son down, I made up my mind to give him a better life.
After that day, I was kinda shy of talking to Martins again cos of what happened the last time, I wasn’t convenient with him, he noticed and he apologized he was never going to try that again. So we became much more closer, after few months I wrote my Jamb examination, fortunately I passed, I met the cutoff point for Delta State University to study Business Administration, I was so happy. Martins really assisted me a lot, he was my backbone, I really appreciated him, I felt bad I became closer to him after giving birth, how I wish. I got my admission letter, there was no money to pay for my acceptance fee, no money for tuition fee. I informed my parent about it but they neglected me, they never believed me, they thought I was lying that I want to dupe them. They still believed I was still an evil child, even my grandmother called them to confirm it, they didn’t believe it either, they said my grandmother is an illiterate so she’s ignorant, that I’m fooling her. I got angry and at the same time I was scared, where will I get money for crying out loud. My grandmother is not earning enough and she has been the one feeding me and my son, I’m not working, I was so scared of loosing the admission. I cried everyday and night, I informed Martins about it he promised to help me, I didn’t even count on it but lo and behold it was Martins that paid for my acceptance fee, I couldn’t believe it. I asked him where he got the money from but he didn’t tell me. I was so happy about it, I really praised him, I was already falling in love with him even tho his mother never liked me, probably because I have a son, any time I visit Martins, his mother was always acting so strange to me. Me and Martins were not dating, we were just friends but we both have feelings for each other, that was it.
So one day, I was plaiting one little girl’s hair, our neighbour’s daughter. Martins was there, he noticed I’m very good at it, after plaiting the girl’s hair, he jokingly told me to open a small salon to start plaiting hair, cos other was no hairdresser in that village at that time. I just laughed at it but then I realise there is sense out of what he just said, i’m a trained hairstylist even tho I didn’t graduate, lol.