7th December, 2010
I still don’t believe that I’ve lost her forever.
Perhaps I didn’t deserve her. She was such a nice lady, such a wonderful female. I know that I can find many girls in this world, even more beautiful and more attractive than she was. But no girl can fit into that specific portion of my heart that has been reserved only for her now.
What shall I call her?
Aggressive? Absolutely not. She was so patient, so calm.
Hard and strict? Never. She was so flexible, so adaptable, very compromising too.
Rude and proud? No way. She was modest, friendly, and sympathetic.
Extremist? Impossible. She sure knew her boundaries and limits.
No, there’s nothing I can call her. I can’t give her a single, sole name.
She was truly wonderful, capable of doing miraculous wonders.
She understood me. I don’t think that anyone could ever understand me like the way she did. She made me realize myself, arranging my life’s books neatly into this world’s shelf. It’s only because of her that I am who I am.
I will not say that she was perfect but she was the best one I ever could have hoped for, not only because she had a tremendous amount of unconditional love, but because she shaped who I am today, my qualities and characteristics. She was the one who made me beautiful in every sense. The kind you don’t see much anymore. She was simple but yet so mysterious. She was so familiar but ah, at the same time, so strange too.
In the paths of life, you find faces you can’t forget ever, no matter how much you try. Then how can I forget that fairy-face which made me accustomed to the reality of life? Those lake-deep eyes which, when low, used to bring night and when high, were the source of daylight.
She was the poetry of a born poet. Flowers needed her to grow; autumn required her to become spring.
She was definitely a dream girl, a beautiful scene of my sleep. But she was a reality too. A reality, which creates history. A reality, you can’t imagine your life without. She was so alive. One, who could give you life in one glance. There was just nothing else like her at all. It was her attitude toward life that made her uniquely captivating. She had a quick intelligence and a lively curiosity about anything she happened to encounter.
And then………she was gone when I needed her the most. She came and left. But she didn’t leave alone; she had my life too.
I’ll never understand one thing. Why those times pass so quickly when you’re happy? And why those times seem to stay forever when you’re sad?
Did I love her?……………………………………………………
He closed his eyes to minimize the intense expression of pain. Then, after taking few deep breaths, he began to write once again.
I will not talk about my dark, ill past. But for sure, at present, her love is the greatest present for me.
I love her not only for what she had made of herself but also for what she was making of me.
I love her for the part of me that she brought out.
“Did ‘she’ love me?”
Yes certainly. No other woman will ever love me like the way she did. No one else will ever stand by me like her.
Finishing his last word, he stopped writing, took off his fine, neat, half-framed spectacles and blew off a long, cold, lonely sigh. Tipping his head back on the headrest of the easy chair, he finally closed his eyes.
“You look good in glasses”. Her whisper was very near.
“Huh?” He turned quickly to locate the source. Not here and there, she was nowhere. He was alone in his room. Memories were like endless rain for him. Once began, they would never stop. As her voice faded with his consciousness, he thought he felt a tear strike his cheek.
The wind was particularly cold and wet, even for December in Karachi. Taking a deep drag on his cigarette, he stood up from his place and opened the side window. Sharp and cold wave of wind hit him full in the face, a stream of air with strong noise of sea waves nearby.
Thank God for the wind! It broke
Through the huge plain glass window, he stared at the beach of white sand that seemed almost to glow in the moonlight. Long white breakers came out of the night and broke on the shore. Far out at sea, mysterious offshore lights winked and moved steadily along.
With a long breath, he smelled the sea-scented air and closed his lashes. As soon as his anatomical eyes closed, his imaginative eyes opened and from the fantastic window of imagination, she came in front of him, like always. Smiling! Everything about her was absolutely beautiful. Even her appearance, he thought.
What to say about her external beauty and looks…….
If beauty is limited, then she has its final limit.
Smiles were not very usual feature of her personality.
“Because of myself.” He thought painfully. “Yes I didn’t give her much chance to smile. Rude, brutal, animal-like, I was like a sharp knife for her.”
“You act as if you were God Almighty, but I know what you’re really like! You’re a……a……bad-mannered, ill-tempered….savage!” His own conscience showed him the mirror.
Although he had not seen her smiling a lot still he thought that flowers used to bloom when she smiled. Yes, her smile was as innocent as a young flower bud, as fresh as a sweet and scented morning breeze.
Apart from her smiles, he always wondered what was so “different” in her appearance. She sure had something unique and powerful in her face that always differentiated her from the other women. Only now he found out what made her face and her personality so different and impressive. Yes, it was that particular glory, that specific charisma, which comes only on the faces of those women who have strong character and firm principles. Who never compromise on their beliefs and who observe…….
To Be Continued…