if you missed episode 1 click HERE
Damola and I met on the last day of our Youth
Service in Jos. When we were collecting our
Discharge Certificate at Rwang Pam Stadium, I
discovered that someone came in from nowhere
and wanted to jump the queue to collect her
certificate. I was mad and I had to challenge
Me: excuse me ma’am, you have to go and join
Damola: wetin you go do for me?
Me: please respect yourself and go back.
Damola: even if Jonah dey for queue, he no fit
tell me say make I no collect my certificate
Everybody on the queue started laughing and I
was seriously embarrassed. Later in the evening
when I boarded the bus going to Abuja, I
discovered that a lady’s bag was beside where I
wanted to sit and no longer I sat down a lady
came to the bus and guess what? She was the
Damola: Mr. man God don catch una. She said
Me: (turning to my friend) omo yii lo f’oshe yi mi
Damola: (turning to my friend) ma da lohun. O
fe ma se bi Van Damme.
Me: Well nnkan t’o ti sele ti sele, I am St. Collins
(extended my hand to her)
Damola: Omo Igbo t’on so Yoruba ni yii?
Me: Ogidi omo Yoruba ni mi
She surprised me by hugging me and said to
my ears “you are too ugly”
Our journey to Abuja was eventful because we
all argued and discussed about the elections
(between GEJ and GMB) and how Jega is
with the non-functionality of the card reader in
some places. We arrived at Abuja and funny
enough we dropped at the same bus – stop. We
exchanged numbers and sooner or later, we
started dating each other. On a fateful day she
came to Ibadan to pay me a visit, she collapsed
she was rushed to the hospital. It was there
that we discovered that she had anaemia and
she urgently needed blood transfusion. When I
volunteered to donate blood to her the Doctor
said he wanted to see me in his office
Doctor: Mr. St. Collins (pronounced as Sin-
Collins), there is not a good news. Who is she to
Me: She is my girlfriend.
Doctor: I am sorry to tell you sir, you are AS
while she too is AS
Me: mo gbe (i am in trouble)Ahhhh!!!
I felt my world was crashing…. My first and only
girlfriend!!!! The girl that took my virginity!!!!
Why I was crying leaving the doctor’s office.
woman came to console me that I should take
heart and volunteered to donate hers’. When
she was alright I broke the news to her. She
and cried but later she took heart and we
remained best of friends, though sometimes
whenever she comes to Ibadan, we always have
blowing “bleep – bleep”
The following day, I resumed back to office at
8.30am. The Head Pastor called me to the office
and he gave me my appointment letter, and
surprisingly a key to an apartment paid for by
Deaconess Emeka. I was surprised because I
don’t know what is up in her sleeves. I went to
the apartment and wow, it was a room and
parlour self – contained apartment. After
returning back to office, I requested for
Deaconess Emeka number from the Secretary
and I called her to appreciate her for the
Deaconess Emeka: Hope the place is okay
Me: it is fine ma.
Deaconess Emeka: but no turn am to slaughter
Me: (laughs) Mummy no ooh.
Deaconess Emeka: Ok. I will store your number
Me: yes ma.
By that weekend, I moved to the new
apartment. Then on Sunday which was my first
Sunday in the church… I saw
weeen…..beautiful girls that made my “OPA
MOSE” tanda like pole. I had to switch off my
mind from the church in order to concentrate
in the service. The Head Pastor introduced me
to the church as the new Church Accountant
and the reaction from the girls made my mind
After the service, Sis. Iyoaye came into my
office to remit the proceeds of sales from the
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, I want to ask you
ME: go ahead
Sis. Iyoaye: How is your girlfriend?
Me: (laughs) me I no get o.
Sis. Iyoaye: Iro le n pa (you are lying)
Me: We broke up due to medical incompatibility
Sis. Iyoaye: eeyah. Ok sir. Please sign the
bookstore remittance register. I am rushing
As soon as I signed the register, and she was
about going I pulled her back and pecked her
on the cheek. She was surprised and she said
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant e ma koba mi o (please
don’t implicate me)
I felt like squeezing her Weapon of Mass
Defence and sucking the key of the weapon.
She winked at me before she left my office.
Two months went uneventful but on one
Thursday afternoon Sis. Iyoaye buzzed me up
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, are you in office?
Me: yes I am. Can I help you?
Sis. Iyoaye: If you are bit free, I want to come
and see you.
Me: ok. No probs.
When she ended the call, I was like “wetin this
sister wan come see me for?” 5 minutes later,
she came in.
Me: Sis. Iyoaye, hope I am safe
Sis. Iyoaye: You are as safe as the Result sheets
used for declaration.
I ushered her to a seat and she said:
Sis. Iyoaye: Accountant, can I ask you a
Me: you can go ahead.
Sis. Iyoaye: Are you married?
Me: No, but why do you ask?
Sis. Iyoaye: can I trust you with a secret?
Sis Iyoaye started her story how she grew up,
how she was being molested by her step
brother for 5 years and what she had went
through in the hands of men. It got to a point
that I had to be consoling her when she was
crying by patting her back. Before we could say
Jack, she started putting my hands to her laps
to caress it.
Me: Sis. Iyoaye, please don’t implicate me!
Sis. Iyoaye: ever since the first day I met you, I
have been dying to be in your arms; for you to
be my man and desired you.
Me: but what about your fiancé?
Sis. Iyoaye: that one, a serial cheater.
Me: (shocked) what? Bro. Tunde is cheating on
Sis. Iyoaye: I caught him twice; with Rokiatu
Me: na wa. So Bro. Tunde is just pretending
Sis. Iyoaye: yes now. We have officially broke up
Me: hmmm. That’s serious. But you barely know
me and besides we can’t do such here in the
Sis. Iyoaye: I’m h0rnie. And I want to feel you
Sis. Iyoaye: Pleeeaaase
Then the intercom buzzed.
When I went to pick the intercom
Me: Hello, this is the Church Accountant
Receptionist: Sir, Mrs. Aisha Bello is around and
she wants to see you.
Me: ok let her in.
Turning to Sis. Iyoaye I told her that I will see
her later in the day. When Mrs. Aishat Bello
entered the following dialogue ensued
Aisha: what? Short man devil longest time
Me: Please who are you ma’am? And how did
you know my nickname in School?
Aisha: I know say you no go know me. Aisha
Solomon, Catherine’s friend
Me: Aisha Solo…..ah!!!!!!! Ku ojo meta (it has
been a long time)
Aisha: how is my short man? Hope he is still
alive and kicking?
Me: o gbadun rara (u no well). How is your
Aishat: I am good. And you?
Me: I am doing great. But you have transformed
Aisha and I were friends back in the university,
she got a job in the bank in our 3rd year (she
joined us as Direct Entry student)….we were
inseparable that people thought that we were
dating each other. Even it caused wahala
between me and her boyfriend.
Aisha: how is Catherine your wife?
Me: Catherine nko, temigracie ni. Abeg wetin
bring the almighty banker come my office?
Aisha: we got a memo from the headquarters of
your church stating the approved banks and
funny enough if I did not come here you won’t
call me to inform me.
Me: it is not that madam. The phone I had your
number was infected with virus and when it
was formatted and I virtually lost all contacts.
Aisha: ok Mr. Ajidara. Hope you dey collabo with
Me: emi ke? Ere wo ni aja n b’ekun se? (me?,
what relationship does a tiger and a dog has?) I
wanna make money first before thinking of
Aisha: Iwo lo mo. (na you sabi) Well the Head of
Station gave me a call that I should bring
account opening packages to the church office
and to meet the Accountant. I no know say na
you I go meet for office.
Me: alright, drop the forms. As soon as the
signatories are in church for service, I will give
them to fill the forms and sign them. So call me
around next week to know when you will come
and pick it.
Aisha: Ok. Let me have your number
As soon as she was leaving, she called her
Aisha: please I want to have some minutes
meeting with the Accountant. Please don’t let
me delay you further. I will meet you up at the
office…..ok, bye (call ends).
When she got to the door she locked the door
and charged at me.
Me: Aisha, please stop what you are doing. You
know that you are married and….
She placed her finger on my lips.
Aisha: put a song or something on your system
so that they won’t hear what we are doing……
Like someone jinxed I obeyed her and I did as
she instructed. As soon as I was done, she
pushed me to seat down and she undid the zip
of my trousers, took the short man devil out
blew air on it. As soon as she did it, it was as if
the batteries that were dead were changed and
it came to life. My “OPA MOSE” was turgid and
ready for action. She started work on it as if it
was lollipop sweet she started licking it from the
cap then she swallowed the entire pipe and
started deep-Drinking it. Instantly my eyes
went into the balls and I was in cloud 20. After
a while I started feeling I was about to erupt.
Then she stopped and dragged me to the toilet.
She went on all fours, pulled her pants to her
knee and I started licking the pillars of the door
and start manipulation lessons in the holies.
She was feeling high but what I liked about her
was that when she is experiencing orgasms,
she doesn’t shout or screams. But the way she
will dramatize and the amount of fluid erupted
will prove beyond all reasonable doubts. I
continued my mission and she climaxed.
Afterwards, I entered her through the back and
I was hammering the nails. As I was about to
erupt, I pulled out and she took my “OPA
MOSE” into her mouth and I released in there.
She swallowed it and she cleaned me up. I took
my shower and she followed suit.
Me: Aisha do you know you are dangerous?
Aisha: wow, you are still loaded and I am
surprised that you could still fire such a heavy
Me: it has been long I have done it.
Aisha: what about your girlfriend in school?
Me: She had given me red card.
Aisha: Na wa o. pesin wey no get cap dey pray
say make im get. Pesin wey now get cap dey
play with am anyhow.
Me: but wait o. are you married?
Aisha: yes I am.
Me: why did you allow me to have s*x with you?
Aisha: My husband has been in London for the
past 8 months and I don’t allow anyone to
service my glory-hole and I have been starved
Me: I don enter am.