If you missed episode 12 click HERE




My neighbour’s wife had woken up long before dawn and has started laundry. When I woke up around 8 in the morning, I saw that the whole compound has arrived – my other neighbours and her kids. I greeted all of them and prepared for office. When I saw the neighbour that claimed she went to Lagos, I fired at her

Me: how was your journey?

Neighbour 2: I later couldn’t make it.

Me: after you have gone to enjoy yourself (in my mind) hmmm.

I did all what I could do and went to the office. When I got there, I saw a hidden number calling me

Me: hello, who is this?

Caller: eni ti e tu Boris ara e la’le ana (the woman you loosed all her Boris yesterday night)

Me: kilode ti e fi nomba yin pamo ati’pe nibo le wa? (why are you hiding your number and where are you?)

Neighbour’s wife: mo mu phone oko mi lo s’oja ni (I took my husband phone to the market that’s why)

Me: e fe je ki n mo nomba won abi? (so you don’t want me to know his number abi?)

Neighbour’s wife: mi o fi nomba won pamo (did I hide it?)

Me: hmmm.

Neighbour’s wife: it is well. Se e mo wipe oko mi de laaro yii bi e se lo? Mo beere lowo won bi irin – ajo won se ri sugbon won o dami lohun. (Do you know that my husband came home immediately you left? I tried asking him about the trip but he wasn’t giving me direct answer.)

Me: hmmm. Nje e mo nnkan ma? Mi o fe k’a ma do’ra wa mo (Do you know what ma? I feel we should stop fvckking each other.)

Neighbour’s Wife: kilode? (why?)

Me: ara mi kun gan mi o fe ki wahala Kankan o sele (I am too ‘fertile’ and I am avoiding a scandal)

Neighbour’s wife: Collins, se e mo wipe ngba ti a ba njo sere papo, mo ma n gbadun e ni (don’t you know that anytime we had s*x, I feel like a girl.)

Me: emi naa mo. Sugbon se a le pade ni iyana Adetokun k’a ri’ra soro fun seju di’e? (I know ma. But can we meet at Adetokun junction for some minutes?)

Neighbour’s wife: o lewu gan. E so ibi ti e wa ki n wa bayin (it is too risky. Let me come and meet you)

Me: ok

I described the place to her and she came. When she entered my office, she was marvelled. I narrated the whole story from Mrs. Abiolu, Iyoaye, Halima, Aisha, Ritababe, Mama Tee, Jane most especially Dcns. Emeka.

Neighbour’s wife: ah!!!!!So Collins, e buru ju bi mo se mo yin lo?
Mo gbe’di fun yin. (you are this BAAAAADDDDDDD)

Me: (smiles) eyin le mo. (na you sabi).

Neighbour’s wife: sugbon, nibo le fe fi mi si? (but what about me?)

Me: hmmm. Mo n ti nro gan. K’a ma tan’ra wa, mo ri wipe nnkan ti a n se ko da. And……… (I was even thinking about us. To be candid, I don’t think what we are doing is right. And…………)


Neighbour’s wife: Collins, mo ma n gbadun e nigba ti a ba……… (you make me always feel like a woman whenever…………)

Me: as usual…… ibi ti a wa, a gbodo so’ra pelu oro enu wa (we are in a sensitive place)

Neighbour’s wife: oops. Mo ti gbagbe. O n se mi b’eni pe ki a s’ere nibiyi. Nitori bi mo ti n wo yin, ara mi ti n ji si’le (I wished we could “play now” because seeing you I am hor*y)

Me: o dabi eni pe ma kuro ninu’le yen laipe yii (I think I will leave that house soon)

Neighbour’s wife: maa fi omi’gbona bo awo ara yin ti e ba kuro ninu’le yen (I will skin you alive if you leave)

Me: ooto abi ere? (is that a threat?)

Neighbour’s wife: mi o mo bi ma se survive ti e ba kuro ninu’le yen (I don’t know how I will cope if you leave)

Me: e tin survive ki n to ko wo’le yen. So, ti mo ba ko kuro, ko ye ki iyato wa. (you have been coping before I moved in. so my coming and leaving should not make any difference)

Neighbour’s wife: enikan ko’nu’fe si mi mo de tin ro oro eniyen ki e to ko wa s’odo wa. Ojo ti awon tenanti yoku tiwon sun ile, Olorun nikan lo mo idi ti mi o fi tele okunrin naa jade lale ojo yen. Koda, inu mi n dun bi e ti ma n toju awon omo mi bi enipe eyin le bi won (I was considering a man’s proposal some days before you moved in and the day that the remaining tenants went out, only God knew why I turned down the man offer for a night date that day. Even, I love the way you treat the kids as if you were their dad).

Me: ejo e ma binu simi. Mo fe beere pe, bawo le se bi awon omo yin? (but how did the children came to be? Sorry to ask).

Neighbour’s wife: Kosi wahala. Emi ati baba won pade ni Moniya. Nigba yen mo n ko’se lowo. Nigba naa, ekun ni oko mi nigba ti a ba n sere lowo. O kere tan iseju mejidinlogun lafi se’re. sugbon nigba ti mo loyun abikehin mi, oko mi ni ijamba moto ni o so won di alabo ara. (No problem. Their father and I met at Moniya. I was still serving my oga then. He was a lion on the bed. I mean he goes for a minimum of 18 minutes/round. But when I was pregnant with the second child, he had an accident that made him nearly impotent).

Me: eeyah. O n sese ye mi nnkan ti e n pamo’ra (I could now imagine the frustration and pains coping with someone like him).

Neighbour’s wife: won ki fe koko sere bi eyin se ma n se (and he doesn’t like pre – intimacy).

Me: hmmm. E je k’ajo ro nnkan ti a le se ma. Nitori o ye k’a f’opin si nnkan ti a n se. sugbon, s’e e ti bawon soro ri lori nnkan yii? (Let’s think on what we will do ma. Because, we should try and stop what we’ve been doing. And have you tried talking with him?)

Neighbour’s wife: mo gbiyanju lati ba won so. Sugbon, awon meji wa ni’waju mi (I had tried talking to him. But you know, I have two others ahead of me)

Me: so ti mi o ba si n’u’le yen, e ti ba eeyan mi n’ajosepo. (if I wasn’t here, you would have fvckked the other person.)

Neighbour’s wife: beeni. Gbogbo okunrin lo ni “opa”. OPA yin o tobi, sugbon o n s’ise takun – takun. (Of course. Some people have “rods” but as for you, your “ROD” is not massive but it works very well).

Me: ti mo ba gba……… (if I spank that your……………) (I heard a knock) come in

When the person came in, it was……




The following morning as we were going out for the window shopping, I observed that people were glancing at me and were talking in hushed tones. When I got to the reception, I told the receptionist that we would be back soonest. We got to some places where cars are being sold but the least car that is being sold goes for 330k. as we were trying to return, we saw a car that “buy me” inscription was on it. I flagged it down and we negotiated the price. The person said he would collect 310k last. I was getting tired and frustrated when Mercy spoke up

Mercy: I will balance with the remaining 30k.

We agreed with the person that we would meet on Monday. When we returned to the guest house, an Alhaji walked up to me

Alhaji: young man, how are you?

Me: I am fine sir.

Alhaji: please can I see you for some minutes?

Mercy excused us

Alhaji: my name is Alhaji Danladi Abdulsamad. You and your girl were disturbing our sleep yesterday night. Someone wanted to report you to Hisbah Police but I had to beg him not to. You are free to enjoy yourselves but don’t disturb us.

Me: Thank you Alhaji. There would be an adjustment.

When he left, I returned to where Mercy sat.

Me: you blew the newest atomic bomb in this guest house.

Mercy: na who cause am?

Me: na you know. Tomorrow, we will go to the bank to withdraw the money

Mercy: have you forgotten that tomorrow is Sunday

To Be Continued…


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